Cooking issues aside, P.T. was quite happy at college. By the end of their first year, people had gotten used to his green skin, just like they got used to seeing people in animal costumes and cheerleaders beat each other up. The place was already strange enough that a guy with green skin who had learned all his social skills from Glarn didn’t even make the top ten.



P.T.’s cooking did not improve, but he was confident that by their final year he might be good enough to only set the kitchen on fire once per season.



Glarn didn’t even seem to notice the weekly house fires anymore. One day, during a surprisingly unburned breakfast (pre-cooked pancakes, but P.T. had added the strawberries all by himself), he explained to P.T. what was on his mind.

“So I think I might like Glabe.”

“Yes, she’s nice. So, how are the pancakes? I think I arranged the fruit rather nice there.”

“No, I mean I really like her. I’m in love with her and I don’t know what to do!”

Realizing that there would be no conversation about his topic of choice, P.T. instead tried to recall everything he knew about human reproduction.

“You could mate with her.”

Glarn did not seem to think this piece of advice helpful.



“…And that’s the gist of it. I like Glabe, I think she might like me back, but I haven’t asked her. But Kitty might still like me. Or she might not. We’ve been busy with our assignments, so I don’t think we’re even still dating, but maybe she thinks we’re still dating and maybe that means we are dating or maybe…”

“Glarn.” Olive interrupted her increasingly confused friend. “Why are you telling me all this?”

“Because my roommate is from another planet and thinks... Actually, that part is not important. He’s not helpful. At all.”



“No, I mean why are you talking to me when you should be talking to Kitty?” Olive seemed increasingly angry with Glarn. “I don’t care who you’re dating, P.T. wouldn’t care who you were dating if he understood what you were talking about. If you think Kitty cares, go talk to Kitty.”

“Well, but what if Kitty gets angry? Or what if Glabe doesn’t like me? Or what…”

“Talk. To. Kitty.”



“You know about my parents, Glarn. I know you never believed me and my mother never did either, but they’re really unhappy together. Because they didn’t break up when my father realized he liked another woman better. So if you like Glabe better than Kitty, even if it’ll make Kitty unhappy, even if Glabe might not like you back, TALK TO HER.

Or I’ll fucking kill you.”



Taking Olive’s advice, Glarn talked to Kitty. She seemed to take it well. She admitted that she had hoped they would stay together, but wasn’t too surprised that they’d grown apart.

Really, Olive was a nice person, no matter what anyone said. Sure, she really needed to stop threatening bodily harm to people who disagreed with her, but she made a good point.



And Glabe really did like Glarn. Everything was awesome.




Missy Melons was completely shocked to hear Kitty’s story. “He just broke up with you like that?”

“Well, we weren’t really dating anymore…”

“Still! Glarn Curious just dumped you like that? He must be crazy!”

“He’s really not. I guess I just assumed too much.”



“Oh, cut it out!” Missy pulled her friend into a hug. “That Glarn jerk doesn’t know what he’s missing out on, I’ll tell you that!”

“He’s not…”

“Shut up. He’s a big mean jerk. End of story.”



P.T. was surprised when Kitty showed up at their house. “Hey Kitty. Glarn’s not here right now.”

“I know.” Kitty sighed. “I wanted to talk to you. About Glarn and… Glabe…”

“Erm… I… don’t really know that much about… that sort of thing…”

“But you know her. Is she… a nice person?”

Telling the truth seemed like a bad idea even to P.T., so he just stammered around for a while until Kitty took pity on him. “I really just want to know if Glarn will be happy with her, P.T., and that she’ll take good care of him and all. So, is she?”

“Yes. Really nice.”



“That’s good. I want Glarn to be happy. Thanks, P.T.. I knew you’d be the only friend who wouldn’t just tell me that Glarn was a jerk.”

“Oh, was that the acceptable response?”

Kitty smiled sadly. “Not really, but people seem to think it is. Never stop being yourself, P.T.. And thanks, I really mean it. I probably won’t see you around much, but call me if you need anything, okay?”


Turns out that while P.T. might be very knowledgable on the subject of comic books and his planet's customs, relationships were not on Glarn's or Drone's curriculum. I'm sure this will never come back to bite him.


Coming up next: The Muenda sisters